


corvidae

by 75hearts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Misgendering, Multiplicity/Plurality, Non-Explicit Sex, Sharing a Body, Sibling Love, more will be added as more chapters are posted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-06 16:18:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/75hearts/pseuds/75hearts
Summary: Lup and Taako share a body. Taako is only sometimes aware of this.





	1. one for sorrow

The performers _loved_ them.

It was the first time they had left home. The performers would clap and cheer at the fluid shifts, Taako becoming Lup or Lup becoming Taako in the fraction of a second. “Took me years to get this good at acting,” someone comments. “He got it at, what? nine?”

(One night, after a particularly painful compliment, Lup slides in, taking control of their shared body from Taako. “It’s not acting,” she whispers, an edge in her voice. “We’re not... _performing_ this. You’re my brother for _real_.” She lets go of the body, but still clings to it, listening in as Taako takes over.

“I know,” says Taako. “But they give us food. We gotta. Even if they do think I’m, like, a baby.”

Lup doesn’t bother to switch back out, instead focusing as hard as she can on sending a message: _You’re_ **_ten_** _._

“So?” Taako says, acting annoyed, but Lup can feel his emotions and she knows as well as he does that he’s sparkling with laughter.)

They stayed with the acting troupe for a while, cooking dinners and squirreling away bits of gold and performing on the weekends, showing off.

“You ready for this?” Taako asked the crowd, one night.

“Ready for what?” someone yelled.

“Ready for, like, me? Like…. I’m Taako. Y’know, from TV?” Taako gave the biggest smirk he can, hand on his hip, looking absurdly arrogant and kind of ridiculous, given that he was a spindly ten-year-old elf wearing a sequin skirt and a hat that was about five sizes too big who clearly took himself far too seriously. “But not for long. You’re about to see something… in-fucking-credible.”

He spun, using prestidigitation to change in a flurry of sparks, light like a disco ball sparkling off his skirt as it flared up. Lup switched in, faced the actors, and grinned enough to stretch her face, fire and smoke still coming off her fingertips. “I’m Lup,” she says, squaring her posture and lifting her chin, “and I’m Taako’s twin sister.”

 

“We’re gonna be the best wizards ever,” Lup whispers to him one night, practicing her cantrips.

 _Yeah, yeah, whatever, Lulu_ , Taako replies. _Don’t get ahead of yourself. I mean, you’re doing cantrips. It’s not like you’re casting a level nine meteor storm._

“Shut up, Taako,” she says, but she’s smiling.

 

Before the performers, they lived with their grandparents. Before that… who knows. They don’t have the best memory, of being that young. They certainly don’t remember their parents. They remember being passed around, never being wanted, except for weekends with Auntie Lada. But even when they were cast out by their family, they always had each other. (Maybe that’s all they had.) They tried to stay optimistic. They were never alone, and they never would be alone ever again. They had each other, and they couldn’t be seperated.

( _Totally your fault that time,_ Taako commented after getting kicked out of the latest relative’s house.

“What? No!”

_...Lulu, I love you, but you set their curtains on fire, it was DEFINITELY your fault._

“Says the person who turned their couch into _raw meat_.”

_Hey, that couch was ugly as fuck. I just improved it. Did some, y’know, renovations. It’s their fault that they don’t have any taste._

“I can’t believe you,” Lup said, laughing a little. “Point is, it was _totally_ your fault. But I mean, either way, isn’t it really their fault? Y’know, for actually kicking us out.”

_Eh. It’s definitely at least a little our fault. A solid 80/20 of blame. 19/20 on your side, though._

Lup laughed louder and then stopped suddenly and went quiet, face going serious. That was the first time he had said that, she thinks.

_Said what, goofus?_

“I just… I love you too, dingus.”

 _Awwwwwwwwwww,_ Taako drawled, his thoughts dripping with gentle mockery.

“I mean it! Even if you did just spy on my thoughts.”

_...Yeah, well. I meant it too. Even if you ARE being sappy right now. You’re my sister, ya know?_

“I.. I guess so, yeah.” She paused. “Anyway, even if it _was_ my fault, they totally deserved it. They were jerks.”

_So-o-o you’re saying you admit it’s your fault?_

“No! No. I’m just saying, if it _was…_ ”)

 

They ran into their family again, one day, after a performance. And it’s Auntie Lada, so they didn’t hide, running up to her and giving her as big a hug as they can. She laughed and patted their head and started talking to them and _you’re living on your own? well, that won’t do._ So arrangements were made, and suddenly they were saying their goodbyes before being whisked away as their aunt assured them that she’d take good care of them.

They liked their Auntie Lada, and for the first time ever, they had something resembling a home. She laughed big and called Lup her beautiful baby girl and they helped her cook. Taako was better at the cooking than Lup was, but Lup still loved eating it. “No fair!” Taako exclaimed one night when he felt her trying to front. “I made it! You don’t get to eat it!”

 _But you always get to eat it,_ Lup whined in his head.

“Yeah, that’s ‘cause I always cook it,” Taako said haughtily.

Auntie Lada only laughed, used to this kind of one-sided conversation. “Kids, kids. It’s okay. Why don’t you eat some of it, Taako, and then let Lup have some?”

Taako nodded, but not without a big pout. Lup couldn’t smile, but if she had the body, she’d be grinning triumphantly. Auntie Lada always made all the best meals.

They hadn’t even turned eleven when their aunt died. She was in the kitchen, making soup, and Lup was playing outside in the snow. Lup pushed the door open, tired out and ready for food, mouth half-open in a complaint, when she saw her aunt. Auntie Lada’s body laid on the floor, spoon still clasped in one hand, her eyes frozen open; her other hand clutched at her chest. The soup pan was close to boiling over. The whole scene seemed distant, faraway, and after the second that it took her to process what had happened, Lup’s eyes went wide and she ran out the door, her own screams ringing in her ears.

That was the first time Taako blacked out, at least that he can remember. He remembered watching Lup playing in the snow, and then he remembered coming to, two days later, at another relative’s house, in control of the body. When he reached out for Lup, she wasn’t there. He panicked at first--“Lup?! LUP!” he yelled, both out loud and in their mind. There was a delay, a few, terrifying seconds where he wondered if she was just _gone_ , what would he even _do_ , and then, slow, laborious: _I’m here. It’s just harder._

They talked less and less, and then they didn’t talk at all. It’s amazing how persistent kids can be, but it’s also amazing how fast kids can give up once they’ve decided something isn’t worth it. Taako would zone out, and then he’d come back. Lup would control the body, and then she’d give it up and watch her dumb idiot brother control it for a while, and then she’d come back. They were staying with their uncle, who ignored them, mostly. Called them both Taako, usually, except when he was in a good mood, but mostly just left them alone to do what they want.

Pretty soon, their uncle got tired of them. He woke Lup up early one day, shaking her. “Taako? I’m sorry, but I can’t take care of you much longer. This was never supposed to be permanent.”

Lup blinked, bleary-eyed. She wasn’t really surprised. “M’name’s Lup.”

Their uncle just sighed, rubbing his hand down his face. “I’m sorry but I’m just not in the mood, Taako. Now come on.”

They got dumped on the doorstep of--they’re not quite sure how they’re related, but they are, somehow--an older couple. They already looked tired. Their uncle explained the situation, his voice heavy. The couple did a lot of nodding, with periodic “uh-huh”s and “we understand”s and “we’ll deal with it”s and “yeah”s. Lup sat in the guest bedroom, summoned up a bunch of lights and pretended she was juggling them.

The door to her room opened and she was met by a very smiley elf. She considered putting away the lights, but ended up just making them freeze in place. She gave the man her most bored face.

“Hello, Taako--”

“My name’s not Taako.”

“Yes. Well.” His smile got tighter. “We were given custody of Taako, so. If you’re not Taako, where is he?”

Lup pointed wordlessly to her head, raising one eyebrow.

“...Ah. I see.” He didn’t seem surprised. “Well. Don’t you think you’re getting too old for imaginary friends?”

“What do you mean?” Lup’s eyes narrowed.

His eyes got soft and he knelt down to be eye level with Lup. “You’re eleven now, Taako. Lup may have been a fun game to play when you were little, but you have to let go of her now, okay? She’s just a fantasy. She’s not real. Your name is _Taako_.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Lup said.

His smile slipped, just for a moment.

 

Lup was persistent. So were they. Days became weeks became months. They cajoled and insisted and yelled: at first, trying to convince “Taako” to stop pretending; then, just talking to “Taako” and refusing to listen to her corrections; then, trying to convince her that it’d be better if she integrates or becomes him or at the very least just gives up on being so _herself_ all the time. She fought them tooth and nail whenever she was in control of the body, with varying approaches spanning the scale from passive-aggressive to just plain out _aggressive_. But she didn’t always have control of the body.

Taako was insistent at first, too. He was defensive of his sister--no, closer than that, his twin--no, even closer, they share more than blood, they share a brain. But the couple was insistent, too: Lup doesn’t exist, she never did, you made her up. He asks them about his blackouts, they insist that he acted normal the whole time, no mention of this “Lup”. And after months with nothing but scattered, desperate thoughts from Lup( _\--Taako? Taako, can you hear me? You know I exist, right? Please, listen to me, I’m Lup and I’m real--_ ), no memories or conversations or fancy transformations and two kindly people who are very, very convincing, and very adamant in their story that Lup doesn’t exist, it’s only Taako now, on his own, he started to believe them. One boy, one body.

Months turned into a year and the couple have been spending more time arguing with each other than they have been arguing with Lup. This is partly because they have been arguing more with each other, and partly because Lup has, in fact, mostly given up. She wouldn’t have put it in those words, of course, but when she spends two months in the backseat, just watching as Taako uses her body, _their_ body… It’s out of character for her, for who she was, to sit back and let them win. But she’s done with fighting, done with being called _fucking_ Taako and _fucking_ he and a _fucking_ boy, done with their fake niceness, and all for what? They hadn’t changed their minds, they’re not _going_ to change their minds, and they’d successfully convinced Taako that she doesn’t exist, so what’s the _fucking_ point in fighting if it’s not going to _do_ anything. She retreated into their head, as deep as she could go, until her world darkened and shrunk into a single, doorless room, curtains all around her to block them out.

 

She tried to come out of that room one day, hoping that enough time had passed, and overheard them talking about how “at least we fixed Taako” and she hates it, hates them, hates everything and everyone, with a burning passion. It lodges just below her throat, disgust and anger bundled together in a tight ball.

She didn’t burst in on them, even though she wanted to. She walked to her--their--his--room and she realized that she didn’t know what she wanted to do. All she wanted was to exist. She was easy, she didn’t have particularly high standards or anything, just… something. anything. She wanted something, as bad as breathing and she didn’t know what she wanted but she was so full of that want that it felt like she needed to run outside and grab it. If only it were that easy.

Instead, she sighed and let go of the body, retreating to a tiny curtained room and watching as Taako slipped in beneath his own skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to @thatypingnoise on tumblr and @transdavenport on ao3 for being lovely betas! both of you were great and helped a lot. also shoutout to the entire TFW discord and my friend kiki for helping us refine some of our ideas. this au idea was in our head for like a month before kit finally ended up agreeing to write it, but i'm glad they did. this is our first multichapter fic, so wish us luck!
> 
> also, if you have DID and notice any inaccuracies or problems in here, please PLEASE let us know. we are a system and we have chronic dissociation problems but we do not have DID; we did our best to write respectfully but feedback is always good.


	2. two for joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've had this chapter written for weeks, editing got repeatedly delayed for various reasons but I finally got it done tonight. (Still have to write my Secret Santa. And my sociology homework. :P)
> 
> On a more serious note, thank you to everyone who's supported this AU, from its conception as an idea up through its publishing and reception. Getting this down has been so helpful to us and seeing everyone's reactions to it have been so meaningful and powerful. I know we're bad at replying to comments, but y'all's reactions have meant so, so much to us. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Bonus shoutout, of course, to orange and teal of the Nature System. Y'all are the best betas a girl could ask for. :3

They were almost thirteen when they left. Again. They didn’t even get dumped on another doorstep this time. Then again, that might have been their plan; Taako overheard a snippet of conversation but didn’t exactly stick around to hear the whole thing: he climbed out a window after hearing enough to know that they didn’t want him anymore. 

For a few days, Taako wandered semi-aimlessly along the roads, transmuting food when he needed to eat and keeping an eye out for travelers that he might be able to join. He found a caravan after a while (mercenaries) and advertised himself as a cook. They laughed at him, but one of the mercenaries--a half-orc woman with kind eyes--took pity on him and agreed to take him in, as long as he could prove to them that his food was good.

That night, he made the best food he had ever made, recalling his aunt’s recipes and transmuting whatever he didn't have in a poof of smoke, putting on a show. Most of the mercenaries were fighters, a few rogues and barbarians; magic was rare here, and they all gathered around to watch him cook and cast and fancy it all up with flashy cantrips. He started out slowly, unsure, a little afraid even if he didn't show it, but by the end of the meal he was grinning and making jokes. 

Lup watched, a little proud, a little wistful. She planned. She waited. She saved her strength. They turned thirteen on the road, and Taako didn’t mention it to his traveling companions--it’d ruin the vague lies he had put out about his age--but she knew that he remembered, in his sudden determination to bake desserts for the entire caravan: cakes and macarons, tiramisu and absurd amounts of chocolate chip cookies. They came dangerously close to puking a few times--too much sugar in a moving vehicle is never a good combination--but they held it together, grinning and laughing and shoving slices of apple turnover into their face. 

When they got close enough to a city that they weren't planning on passing through, she grabbed the body from Taako as hard as she could and ran. She couldn't make bread out of rocks like Taako could, but she didn't need to do this for long. She aimed a blaze of fire at a bird and ate that night; it was no feast, no aunt’s home cooking, and the outside was burnt and the inside was almost raw, but she ate it anyway. 

By the time she got to the city, she was exhausted but proud of herself. She pickpocketed people for a while, gathering up bits of silver and gold--she was  _ much _ better at stealing than Taako was--until she managed to swipe some from a wealthy person, earning her a handful of gold coins for her trouble, and with her newfound riches she went to a bakery and got the most sugary monstrosity she laid her eyes on. While she finished that off, she wiped her hands on her shirt and went off to find a clothing store.  

“Hello?” she said, after entering. The shop was clearly open, but nobody was there. Normally Taako would bug her to take the chance to steal, but her pockets were heavy with gold and Taako was silent in her head. Her voice seemed strange coming out of the mouth that had been Taako’s for so long. She relished the sound, tasting the word in her mouth.

A door swung open and a portly human woman with long, dark hair that frizzed out in a cloud came out from the back. “How can I help you?” she said, smiling. 

“Do you sell training bras here?” Lup asked, returning the smile. “Otherwise, just some new clothes would be great.”

“No need to worry dear, we have everything here!”

They spent a while picking things out (Lup’s choosy with the clothes she wears), and after a while Lup went into the changing room. She stripped to her underwear and then, holding her breath, put on the bra. It hung loose off her chest, and she reached into her and Taako’s bag, pulled out some of their old clothing, and stuffed it in. Over her underwear, both old and new, went a new shirt and a new pair of pants. She admired herself in the mirror, turning this way and that. Her chest was a little lumpy, and she pushed it around under her bra, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to care all that much. The whole ensemble, plus two tiny lumps where her breasts should be growing in, just looked… right. Plus, the new shirt was really soft.

She came out of the changing room with a swish of fabric and a haughty grin, and plopped gold on the counter for the woman, who laughed lightly. “You look beautiful, uh… I didn’t catch your name? That shirt looks great on you.”

“Lup,” Lup said, and left.

She ran out of money quicker than she thought she would, even discounting the first day’s splurge. Food to eat and a bed to sleep in cost a lot, and even when she took the cheap options, it added up fast. She pickpocketed more tourists and did her best at various games, learning the rules of pool and poker and then learning how to break those rules without getting caught, but she knew that a thirteen-year-old could only survive on her own in a big city for so long, and plus she knew that Taako deserved time in the body just as much as she did. Wasn’t his fault that he had gotten it so much more than she had.

After a week and a half, she got ready to leave, packing up her things. She was hit by a short moment of panic when she realized she had to hide her purchases. She stuffed her bra deep in the pockets of her pants, stuffed the pants in the very bottom of her and Taako’s bag, and hoped as hard as she could that her dumbass brother would be too oblivious to notice. Doing her best Taako impression, she earned a spot aboard the next caravan that came through the city. Once on the road, the wagon’s wheels jostling her tiny body up and down, she sighed and closed her eyes, not wanting to let go but knowing that she had to.

A couple heartbeats later, Taako opened his eyes in a caravan that he didn’t recognize, not quite sure how he got there. He shrugged and stretched, yawning, wondering quietly what the hell happened but figuring it’d probably be better for him and his place here if he didn’t question it. 

 

They did this routine for years: Taako traveling and cooking with a group of travelers until Lup runs off to live on her own for a while before getting another place with travelers as a cook and letting Taako run the show again. Taako never reached into the pockets of the pants at the bottom of the bag, and even if he did he wouldn’t have questioned the bra there any more than he questioned the way he woke up in caravan after caravan with no memory of leaving the last one or joining this one. At first, Lup tried to talk to Taako sometimes, or leave him messages, but he usually didn’t notice, so eventually she just gave up in frustration, leaving him to his part in this uneasy cycle. With every passing year, her memory got worse and worse, as she spent more and more time in the curtained room and less time watching her brother; instead of carefully picking a time to take control, she got control of the body unpredictably--sometimes randomly, sometimes dropping her in bad situations once Taako learned that it’s easier to just step back from the world and come to later than it is to put in the effort to fix things.

But with these downsides of getting older came one big upside: as they got older, living in the city was easier for Lup. Elves look young for hundreds of years, so nobody asked how old she was or questioned her authority once she was 18 the way they had when she was 13. She started partying at night, drinking and shooting fireballs and leaving bright red stains on strangers’ lips, and when she would get offered things other than drinks she never said no. She learned that it was cheaper and more fun to ask people to take you home with them than it was to pay for a room, and she was rarely turned down.

One night, she saw a cute boy--a human boy, who looked like he was barely 20, with messy, sandy hair. She winked and flirted, but then their hands brushed as he was handing over a drink and her stomach did a flip, her heart fluttering in her chest, and. Oh.  _ Oh _ .

She put her glass down, looking down at her shaking hands-- _ their _ hands, she reminded herself--and excused herself, voice high and awkward as she said a fast goodbye, a vague excuse.

She left that bar quickly that night, ducking down a side alley and  _ running  _ as though she was being chased. She stopped when she ran out of breath, throat constricting and tears threatening the corners of her eyes as she resolutely refused to let them fall or even to wipe at her eyes. Crying was lame, and besides, she didn’t care. He didn’t mean anything to her anyway. None of them did. All she wanted was a hookup, and she could get that anywhere. He wasn’t special.

She couldn’t help it. Her eyes stung so much. She wiped at her eyes, and her hands came away wet.

“Fuck,” she muttered. Then, louder: “Fuck!”

She stormed off, cursing under her breath, wiping away her tears and magicking her makeup back on until she looked perfect again. She knew that she would have to leave soon, that Taako would get the body back and wouldn’t even remember them, let alone love them, that they wouldn’t know who Taako was and who the hell knew if they’d be understanding about the whole thing. She knew that she wanted a bed and a warm body and a roof over her head but that she wasn’t exactly ready to share a house or start a family.

She knew all these things. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

She went to the nearest club that was still far enough away from the place she started out in, got wasted. Went home with a tiefling man with a buzzcut. She didn’t feel anything kissing him, riding him. She came and she didn’t feel a damn thing. All she could think of was the boy and the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled at her. The next morning, she puked in his bathroom, head pounding. She kept the body for long enough for the hangover to mostly fade, but overall she didn’t stick around long before giving their life back to Taako.

He was the first, but he wasn’t the last. Not even close. She always, always ran from them, excusing and avoiding. Leaving never stopped hurting, but whenever the butterflies in her gut tempted her, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking of the alternative, and she always decided the same thing: staying was decidedly worse.

It was only practical, anyway, she told herself. It was for orgasms and beds. Short-term gratification. And it was true: it felt good. It felt  _ hella  _ good, the rush of it all, of enough alcohol to be tipsy and a warm body and a good night’s sleep in a soft feather bed and boys who kissed her nipples reverently and made her promises that she let herself get swept away in, if only for a moment. It really, really did.

After a while, she started going for wizards when she could, sneaking out of bed and reading their books on magic while they slept, furtively practicing incantations and precise hand gestures before slipping back under the covers in time for them to wake up. She had a new plan for their future, and for it to work, she’d need to be better at magic.

 

While she got better at magic, Taako got better at cooking. He branched out, making new dishes and coming up with his own ideas for meals and foods and combos; and, as his magic improved, it got flashier, too, until it was just as much a performance as it was a meal. He transmuted ingredients even if he didn’t need to, chopped and flipped and minor-illusioned his way through the whole process, talking and making jokes the whole time. He quickly got a kind of minor fame in the circles he traveled in; he made the best meals, and he was entertaining, a fast-talker with a flair for the dramatic. He cooked for everyone from acrobats to assassins, adventurers to actors (although the same applied now as it did when him and Lup were kids: the performers always loved him best). His only rule was a simple one: don’t expect him to stick around too long, because he never knew when he might leave. One day you could wake up, and he’d just be  _ gone _ . Sometimes he’d say a quick goodbye, sometimes not, but certainly never _ advance notice _ . What was stranger to Taako, although he’d never admit it, is that he never remembered leaving. But they got used to it, and so did Taako. Just like he got used to the night terrors and the gaps in his memory and the way he didn’t always feel real. It became background noise, to him and to everyone else, and despite everything, he was  _ Taako _ , and he was very rarely unemployed. 

And he loved his job, he really did. He delighted in the food, from remaking recipes he learned from his aunt to making up entirely new food groups on the fly; he delighted in the show of it and the mechanics of it and the first bite of the final product that made any work or frustration worth it. He didn’t quite delight in traveling, if only because he didn’t know any other way of living; even as a child, when he had lived with family members, it was always house-to-house, the slow depletion of resources and patience they had for him a very slow caravan, himself a meandering traveler, and so if he didn’t delight in traveling it is for the same reason that he didn’t delight in the color of the sky or the brightness of the two suns: he couldn’t quite imagine life any other way.

“Alright everyone, gather around for the best show you’ll ever see!” he proclaimed, every night, and every night someone would grumble under their breath and say “you said that last night” and he’d look them in the eye and say “but last night didn’t have  _ this _ , now did it?” and proudly unveil something or other, and before long everyone would be entranced and by the time they all left, bellies full of the most delicious food, they were all--some incredulously, some familiar with this routine--agreeing that yes, that  _ was _ the best show yet, how does he manage it? And Taako would smirk just a little, and put everything away, and retire to his bed, satisfied with himself.

And if he heard the little voice( _ \--Taako, it’s me, it’s Lup-- _ )speaking up in the back of his head( _ \--I’m your sister, don’t you remember me-- _ )then. Well. He didn’t seem like it. He didn’t say anything, certainly. And if he woke up on occasion hungover in a stranger’s house in a city he didn’t recognize, seemingly moments after being in the middle of a conversation on a caravan, then he didn’t mention that either. Better to just ignore it and keep on going. Life is strange sometimes. Whatever.

 

On their fiftieth birthday, he made Lup’s favorite meal, the same thing she had once begged their Auntie for over dinner, a thin doughy thing filled with chicken and lettuce and spices. As he moved the spoon to his mouth, they both tasted it. “ _ Mm _ ,” they said together as the spice spread across their tongue and heated up their mouth, and so even though there was nobody else in the room Taako didn't feel alone. Not in a bad way--he wasn't scanning the room for threats or jumping at the slightest sound--it felt more like he was with his Aunt again, or with a best friend. Strange, but not in a bad way. He took another bite.  _ Delicious _ , he thought, satisfied, and Lup, tasting it on their shared tongue, smiled invisibly.

  
The next morning, she packed everything they had and headed for the city. Her heart was racing, but she couldn’t quite take the smile off her face.  _ You got this, babe, _ she told herself as the city got closer and closer, and even though everything seemed just a little bit unreal she knew somehow that it was true, that she was about to  _ absolutely crush it _ .


	3. three for a girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, it's been a while, huh.  
> all my fic except venty stuff that's probably not coming off google drive got delayed bc of personal mental health stuff, but hopefully i'll be back in the swing of writing this again.  
> credit to hannah @stonestars for beta'ing this chapter!

Lup stood in front of the Institute of Planar Research, took a deep breath, and walked in.

The receptionist, a bored-looking tiefling, looked up with a start from the book she was reading. “Hello?”

“Hi, my name’s Lup. I was wondering how I might go about applying for a position?”

“As what?”

“Um…” For once, Lup was unsure what to say. “I’m a wizard?”

“I assume you’ve already taken the WMAT?”

“...No.” She did her best not to let on the fact that she had no idea what that was.

“Well, we require all wizard applicants to have a score of 850 or better on the WMAT, as well as taking and passing basic engineering, wizarding, and math courses, sooo…” She looked back down at her book pointedly.

“And how might I take the...test...and these courses?”

The tiefling sighed and put her book down. “I’m really not the person to be asking about this kind of stuff, but I can set you up with some paperwork and give you some names, alright?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”

The receptionist shuffled papers around before finally finding an unused signup slip for some on site engineering courses. “The WMAT we don’t offer here, you should probably contact the local Fantasy College”--she scribbled a name and address on the back side of the paper--“and you can see if you can audit courses there too, they should be pretty cool about it, okay? Come back when you’ve got everything done and I’ll set you up with an application and an interview.”

 

It was at Fantasy College that she met Greg. She was auditing an Intro to Transmutation class, which she didn’t need. She already knew all of it, and she wasn't even as good as Taako was. It was  _ absolutely ridiculous  _ that she would have to take it. But it was required.

He was a slacker, a loudmouth, and an all-around sleazy jerk. And her partner for the group project. The group project that was  _ half of her grade _ . 

Lup didn't care how bad of a guy Greg Grimaldis was or how stupid this class was, she was going to get an A in Intro to Transmutation if it was the last thing she did. 

She tried scheduling with him. He cancelled on her, last minute,  _ three times _ , leaving her waiting for him for five, ten, fifteen minutes, before his voice crackled over her stone of farspeech with a “Sorry, couldn’t make it today.” Finally, she decided: fuck it. If she had to do all the work, then she would do all the work. She was going to make the best fucking transmutation project  _ ever _ .

After getting halfway through the textbook and discarding it in boredom, she had her idea. She was going to make _ infinite money _ .

She pulled out a $15 bill and got to work. It took a few spells, some experimental stuff of her own creation, and a bit of magic that was as much conjuration as it was transmutation (not that she’d tell the teacher that). She was maybe halfway done when she had to take a rest, exhausted and out of spell slots, but she was excited nonetheless. By the time her rest was done, it was maybe 2am; she did one more spell on it and then collapsed into bed. (She didn’t technically need to sleep, but she liked to. It was nice. Plus, dreams were sick as hell.)

The next day, she left another message for Greg Grimaldis on his stone of farspeech, but he didn’t answer after a couple hours so she got back to work. 

That night, she held up her completed work: a perfect, crisp, self-replicating $15 bill. No thanks to Greg, but it was done.

They turned it in together. She heard him talk it up to his friends, bragging about all the work he did. She steamed quietly, but she didn’t know how the teacher would respond if she admitted that she did a group project on her own, so she kept quiet.

On the last day of class, the teacher handed it back and he took it and refused to give it to her. Her frustration turned to out-and-out rage, but she still said nothing.

Instead, she stormed out. The semester was over, and now all she had to do was the WMAT and she could apply for the IPRE. And she could finally let Taako have a turn for more than a few minutes. It was exhausting, holding control. 

But one day? She was going to get those  $15 back.

She handed it over to Taako for a week, retreating to the quiet, curtained room inside her head, watching as he hung out around town and waiting for the date of the test.

 

She stood again in front of the reception desk of the IPRE, clutching her test scores and her all-As class list tight to her chest. “Can I have an application please?”

“For what?”

“I’m a wizard, and I got a perfect score on the WMAT. Just tell me what to apply for and I’ll do it, capiche?”

The secretary’s eyes got wide when she heard Lup’s score and she handed her a stack of papers without saying another word.

 

Lup received her acceptance letter not long after. All she needed was an interview and she might even be chosen for the maiden voyage of the Starblaster.

 

She was interviewed by a gnomish man--Davenport, captain of the ship. “So,” he said. “I heard you got a perfect score on the WMAT.”

“I did.” She couldn’t help it; the corners of her lips twitched up into a smile.

“Did you know that nobody has scored that high in a century?”

“No,” Lup said. “Really? I mean, it was tough, sure, but not  _ that  _ tough, ya dig?”

Davenport’s eyebrows shot up. “The WMAT test is the hardest test of magical ability that exists.”

Lup shrugged, not breaking eye contact.

“Well, anyway… why do you want to go on this mission?”

“I already did this world, and I kind of…  _ crushed it _ , so I figured, why not?”

Davenport gave a tiny laugh and nodded to himself a little. “We have a lot of applicants. Why should we choose you for this job?”

“Not to brag, but I’m smart enough. I may have only recently started university, but there’s nobody more qualified than me. I mean, you know my test scores. I’m adaptable: wherever the Starblaster ends up, you’ll need someone who can deal with whatever’s there. I don’t have any strong ties to this world, so I don’t have any reason to stay, but only because I’m a traveler, not because I’m a jerk. Plus, I make a mean chili. Or any food, really. The trip is two months, right? Having a cook around can’t hurt.”

“Alright. Can you tell me a little about yourself?”

“What do you want to know? Before I came here, I did a lot of traveling, working as a cook for some caravans and learning magic on the side.”

Davenport nods. “Do you have any questions for me?”

“When do we--I, sorry--find out if I got in?”

“Just next week. But between you and me, I’m rooting for you.”

 

When she received the letter, she tore it open, full of anticipation. Her eyes skipped to halfway down the page, scanning for something that would tell her if she had been accepted or not, when they finally caught on the magic sentence: “We are honored to accept you aboard for the Starblaster’s maiden voyage.” She wasn’t particularly surprised to be accepted, but she was still proud. They were going to a different world, which was just about coolest thing Lup had ever heard. She didn’t know the four others who were chosen--yet--but Davenport seemed like he’d be a good enough captain.

 

She met them for the first time before the press conference. Magnus was probably the most memorable, a bulky twenty-year-old going around giving the whole team bear hugs and wishing them luck. Other than him there was Lucretia, the shy journaler, Merle, the older, gruff medic, and Barry Bluejeans, a pudgy, nerd-ass looking guy wearing glasses and--of course--a pair of blue jeans. Davenport handed out the uniforms, bright red with patches sewn on the left breast pocket. She picked out a robe for herself but grabbed a jacket as well, just in case Taako would prefer that.

The press conference began, a mess of questions thrown out by reporters for Lup and her new teammates. When Barry got a little  _ too  _ into one question about the scientific possibilities of what they’re hoping to discover, she called out “nerd alert!”, making him turn bright red. She decided instantly that she loved flustering him. It was  _ almost  _ too easy.

And then it was her turn. Near the very end, a reporter called out, “Hi, I’d like to get a quote from Lup as well. Lup, what made you want to, hm, are you really comfortable with leaving this world behind for such a long stretch of time?”

She went up to the microphone with a grin. “Well, I, uh. I did this one already. I did this world and kind of… crushed it, so, I guess I’m excited for opportunities to exprand the ol’ brand, as it were. So yeah, I’m pretty psyched to get off this stink planet and see what else is out there.” She caught Magnus out of the corner of her eye putting his hand up for a high five and walked back to her seat to slap his hand as hard as she could before turning back around and running up to the microphone again. “Also!  _ Greg Grimaldis _ : You owe me fifteen dollars and I aim to  _ collect _ ! You better believe, Greg Grimaldis!”

From behind her, she could just barely hear Davenport saying “Please don’t drop the--” before she drops the mic.

 

That night, they hung out again, the whole team. All six (well, seven, but only Lup knew that) of them. They headed out to a bar, and Lup immediately got to work hustling people at pool. It was one thing Taako and Lup shared since they were little: whenever they went to a bar, unless Lup was only there to pick someone up, they  _ always  _ hustled people at pool. 

They always won, too, and this time was no different. She didn’t need money, not off planet, so she took their shoes instead. One of them turned out to be enchanted, which was a nice bonus, but really she only wanted them to prove that she’d won.

Meanwhile, Magnus was getting in a fight and generalized chaos was breaking out as Merle did his best to comfort Lucretia, who was studiously writing. Eventually, the situation diffused, and they went home late, exhausted but excited for the big day tomorrow.

 

The next day, Lup woke up and went to the institute early. She put on her new uniform there, taking a bite of a cake laid out for them. Davenport was darting nervously from person to person, fussing and biting his lip, clearly overcome with nerves and excitement. Magnus and Lucretia were having a minor, unspoken competition over who could drink the most coffee while Lucretia scribbled in her journals. Barry was a clear disaster, reading his notes over and over, almost shaking, but also very obviously thrilled, a grin plastered to his face. Merle was the only one who looked calm; he leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee with a serene smile.

And then the Starblaster was ready, and they climbed aboard, waving goodbye at the crowd below them. The crowd looked the same mixture of excited and nervous that the crew had embodied the whole morning, but for different reasons: the storm above them was growing.

On the ship, Davenport started the engine. He lead them through the storm easily, through and around dark clouds, up and up and up until he reached the stars and the vast emptiness of space. But even there he did not stop, instead revving the bond engine, faster and faster until they have gone through and past the stars, pulled in a fourth dimension somehow perpendicular to the other three.

And they were out, and they could look down and see the Prime Material Plane that they left, and--

\--and they saw it.

It was dark, filled with flecks of color, like black opal tentacles reaching for their world. In the background, Davenport tried frantically to contact the Institute. “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?” Lup just stared mutely, panic rising in her chest. She put her hand up to the glass. Her home plane looked so small from here. She could not even see her planet. And now, it was all getting destroyed, turning to black opal like a volcano turning sand into glass. It looked like black opal, at least, but it was not--it was organic, alive, more like a giant organism than a volcano, and it seemed as though it wanted nothing more than to devour the planes.

Davenport hung up. He couldn’t get a single message through. But he couldn’t focus on that now. He twisted the wheel this way and that, a desperate escape, dodging the tendrils that reached for them, grabbing at their tiny ship.

Watching as it slowly shrunk away, Lup made a vow to herself that she was going to return. She was not going to let her home be destroyed forever, not on her watch. She was going to save those planes of people, and she was going to get her $15 back, and no matter what happens she was not going to let go of that hope.

They hit the space between the planes with a jolt. Time stopped, suddenly. They were all frozen in place and could not move even if they tried. They were all bursting out, out, out, so incredibly fast. There were thousands of all of them. There were none of all of them. Somehow, this was all true at once. Lup saw herself, on the deck of the Starblaster. She felt herself being torn apart.

And then it ended, and they were in themselves again, and time started its normal pace again, and they were flying back down, back towards the planes. The dark tendrils were gone.

After a few minutes of Davenport circling and trying desperately to contact the Institute, he gave up again, and they started to head down.

They all immediately realized the same thing upon seeing the main planet:  _ this is not the same place we took off from _ . The continents were different, the oceans, and it was too much green. Still, they decided to land, and Davenport circled, trying to find a spot.

The ship landed just north of the equator, and Lup couldn’t quite identify the emotions that landing on another world sent coursing through her veins. Awe, maybe. Or excitement.  _ This is someplace new, _ she thought, looking out at the forest, lush and verdant and entirely alien.


End file.
